


listen to me (want to say i love u)

by byeongkwan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Character Development, Drama, Feels, Fluff, Goodbyes, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Survival Show AU, a.c.e enthusiast much?, and long term trainees, bc woongs in ab6ix now obv, bighit!minho, cube!felix, events and grades are influenced by skz survival show, fantagio!seungmin, just a produce 101 for failing artists, jyp solo artist!hyunjin, kinda slow burn idk, like produce 101, long chapters, no doubt, pledis!jeongin, seungjin end game prob, sm!woojin, underground rappers!3racha, watch produce 101, watch skz survival show, yeji and hyunjin are the best duo, yeji is best girl, yg silver boys but woong drops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 10:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21117611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeongkwan/pseuds/byeongkwan
Summary: [hwang hyunjin's appearance on debuting show "listen to me" surprises knetz.] read more...hyunjin meant it all, he wanted in. the latter knew everything he held precious to him was on the line - even if his treasures were born out of greed. he couldn't help but desire for his career to live on... even for a bit more. and for that, he would do almost anything.or... hyunjin joins a survival show for failing artists and trainees who have been held for more than five yrs. and possibly finding love through a cherry haired vocalist. aka no one asked but i gave u guys bc i was obsessed with produce x 101 (stan jinhyuk and up10 c o w a r d s)





	listen to me (want to say i love u)

— INTERVIEW, MNET. 

“what made you want to join _l__isten to me_, hwang hyunjin?” 

the cursive words were left on his tinted lips, the process of emotions overwhelmed him as his canvas of ideas were flooded in blossoming pasts. his own decisions were stemmed from a failing career, a greed to perform more, and yet this show was all but a final choice, and he was sold. 

“i don’t have that much of a choice, do i? i want to perform so badly,” hyunjin hummed. the tainted memories of how he stepped head first into the familiar practice room, basking in the disguised glory of watercolor, loose pain. his mind bit, tracing back to the vivid peaks of scenes; his own disdain becoming concoctions of honeying thoughts. “i admire people who have enough patience to continue to perform whilst knowing your lack… i’ve been under one of the biggest labels - and yet my popularity is slack compared to seniors from my label.”

hyunjin never quite realized he was crying, until he blinked with droplets astray, the teardrop figure hugging his eyelashes tightly. tapping delicately at the droplets with the gentle undulating of his finger, he fought the debris, though continued to speak regardless of the void he felt. 

“it was brutal. i was told i was a failure in my company since the first year, of course i had no wins under my belt nor an erupting fanbase. but when it continues for three other years… i felt like i sapped money from the company, and apparently so did my label.” hyunjin spoke delicately, almost afraid his dreams would shatter and crumble beneath his words, the nostalgia of cameras panning… it felt bittersweet. albeit, the nagging feeling of this being edited, twisted, corrupted, was no doubt nagging. “i continued to work, but only gained a handful of fans on the way. i’m glad… that i have them. but i know to show them my gratitude, i would have to work harder and get into the debut team." 

a flurry of questions were thrown, though hyunjin never poured his fragile heart out for another, sealing his crystal heart despite the berating ache. he hoped - crossing the borders of begging, it would be aired; even for a drop of distorted attention. the want, greed, creates a gnawing addiction, an illusion with a silent churn. allowing you to writhe under a poisonous layer of temptation. he dearly wanted to become known but hyunjin wasn’t sure if it was a self-indulgent or to legitimately prove his forever written words with a tinge of sorrow. 

hyunjin stepped out, glancing at the row of sitting competition… some had various features, height, dyed hair, some soft yet others harsh looking, whilst some had a friend or two, and some were like him; alone. the facials and display, the encasing presentation each had captivated him; they harbor reminiscent of his trainee life - though some wore fatigue in their eyes.

“woah… hwang hyunjin’s here.” was thrown, a dizzying spiral of merciless comments collided with his thoughts, he felt the speaker nudge the person next to them, the sharp, unraveling looks and facades. other stray, rebound comments were tossed such as. hearing the betrayal of a whisper paint his mind with high ego: ‘he’s so handsome’, ‘oh my god’, or other awed commentary portrayed solely for him. 

he bowed sweetly, before glancing for his manager - who was waving broadly. his manager, was a taller male who comforted hyunjin like a brother, although he had a tinge of harsh and sharpness on the latter when necessary. hyunjin beyond appreciated the older’s advice and will to help hyunjin, after all his emotions were a frothy mess… hyunjin’s facade succumbed into the touch of sorrow often. 

the two linked arms, the manager nudged hyunjin’s shoulder before escorting the idol into the black stained car. “how was it?” the manager questioned, one hand on the wheel as he pulled out his swiftly phone for directions. 

“it was fine, i cried though.” hyunjin commented, eyes piqued towards his phone’s front camera to examine if his face had any remnants of puffiness or a slight tint of crimson tainting him. “i’ll probably sound like i’m guilt tripping fans, but… i just overthink a lot. don’t i?”

“yeah. you do,” his manager nodded, handing the latter a pack of kleenex tissues he kept in the front for any occasion. hyunjin gratefully took the pack, sheer wetness resting around his eyelashes, or the sniffle that nagged him to cease. “the day after tomorrow, you have your auditions. i know you’re prepared. you’ve been working nonstop hyunjin, you really can’t mess it up from here. and don’t complicate things, okay? i’m telling you this from experience.” 

“you were an idol? more or less experienced?” hyunjin eyed the latter from the back seat, racking his brain if he had ever been told his manager’s succession. he was pending thoughts rapidly, curious yet equally anxious.

the manager hummed, hyunjin staring suspiciously as he wanted answers. “knock me, kid.”

“are you still friends with your old members?” hyunjin inquired, lips parted for a desperate answer. his manager’s history was more of a story to tell than expected. 

“not really, they’re happy and i’m happy. plus i don’t think they’d want to see me again.” his manager nodded, shifting the car’s gear as he backed up into a parking space. the droning music of popular nation’s girl group kicked in, itzy’s summer comeback. “let’s go jin, you’re just going to zone out to yeji’s voice now?”

“n-no, okay i’m ready.” hyunjin agreed, in thought. 

the files of participating trainees had been given to him, flipping through a hundred other profiles, seeing the spectrum of colors dazzling. whether it be enchanting visuals and appeal, or the talents of a vocalist or rapper, or perhaps one similar to himself; a dancer. ages ranged far, from trainees who were climbing into their thirties, yet others who bear youth in their teens. 

his brow furrowed, seeing multiple familiar faces of those who trained in jyp, for example kim byeongkwan or kim seungmin. although kim byeongkwan was an old friend and face hyunjin would’ve never thought fate would put back together with him. whilst a cherry haired male was just a trainee that had bowed to him on the latter’s first day out of sheer politeness. 

his phone rang, the beat of got7’s newest song set - specifically his idol’s part. vivid memories of jinyoung passing by and wishing his younger labelmate a good luck and smile.

_ lover girl ji: listen to me, ay? get ‘em jinn...  _

but hyunjin didn’t know he would get _this_ attached in the end. 

— PRACTICE ROOM, JYP ENT.

the english words tainted his tongue with foreign reminisce, he almost felt captivating despite the fact that his tongue tied around syllables, and consonants were knitted in his throat. as if he could remember the words, glazing over a perfect english accent either; his awareness and lack of english skills were biting him back. fangs to skin.

the subtle knocking chimed, knock, knock, knock , before the latter had given up and trespassed. hyunjin glided on the wooden floors, timing each breath, borderline arrogance but a confident aura dominating the room, yet the heat of exhaustion built quickly. 

“good to see you working hard, lover boy.” yeji grinned, the smile reaching up and cupping her eyes delicately. the petite girl sided comfortably with lia, “guess who wanted to say hi too.”

“lia! how have you been?” hyunjin practically launched himself towards lia, deprived from seeing any other member of itzy other than yeji herself. he pat her back delicately before parting, “comeback’s been rough, huh? smile, you’ll get through it.”

“so wise for a man taking on a survival show, you should be focusing on yourself instead of me.” lia retorted, fondly smiling at the taller. hyunjin was generous as he came, yet lia knew her true intentions lay on assisting to the best of her ability before he presented himself on the show. hyunjin were to easily face the wrath of knetz in their finale. “i’ve come to help you with everything; yeji told me you were working on your pronunciation and look! i’m an english speaker!”

“oh, shut up lia,” hyunjin rolled his eyes. glancing at yeji and whispering a thank you - it didn’t go unnoticed from yeji. the latter complied; smiling brightly. “shall we get to work? i didn’t work my ass off this month for nothing. i still have four days to perfect it all - treat me well lia senior!”

"of course prince-y, if i weren't i wouldn't be here." lia chimed, words floating around the room as her eyes narrowed. "take it seriously or don't take it at all prince-y, i expect you to be top notch. plus, i'm sure yeji has seen your routine ten million times; she's here to judge your dancing - but i'm here to judge your english."

hyunjin tied a violet blindfold swiftly, blinding himself albeit finding an inner peace in the way he perceived himself as. he felt the light air as he danced, creating strokes, submerging himself into the desolate song he's heard more than fifty times in the past two days. he nearly killed himself for this, and hyunjin was going to achieve absolute perfection despite all other outcome. hyunjin needed this.

"get out of your head, hwang! get your fucking mind in it dimwit, you're not going to even get a c at this rate." yeji yelled, sighing gravely as hyunjin stuttered over a sequence of steps. brutal as always. "what the fuck? your presence is nothing right now! what happened to the hyunjin we walked in on, if you can't even perform decently here what will you do being filmed?"

"yeji, calm down." lia patted yeji's shoulders, signaling for her to lay it off. "tough love isn't the answer right now, he's stressed."

"lia, you know he can't learn otherwise," yeji sauntered. "he can't learn if you're too ni-"

"he can't learn if you're threatening him and shrieking at him now either. he has feelings too," lia argued bitterly, yeji of all people should know this.

"you guys... sort it out or whatever. i'll take a break, think i need to disconnect for now." hyunjin spoke, silence pursued his words. "i'll text you later, lia. i still want help with english. same with you yeji, not now though. i _can't_ listen to this fucking song anymore." 

— ONE DAY, BEFORE FILMING.

lover girl ji

hey loser, i know filmings tmrw…

and i just wanted to say good luck!

i’m cheering for you ok? don’t overthink and

don’t be too harsh on yourself

_ the hwang yeji is nice to me? what is this  _

shut up loser ily, now don’t mess up

or i’ll kill you

_ i want to practice will you come  _

_ spot me? i need to let out some nerves...  _

yeah, where?

_ 4419  _

read by _l__over girl ji_. 06.31. 

hyunjin couldn't afford to mess this up; his career, his goals, his dreams, and his life were on the line. he said his final goodbyes to the place he _felt at home_ with, jyp entertainment.

﹀﹀﹀

lover girl ji

_ i know it's late. but thank you ji  _

_ for everything <3 _

sent. 05.08.

— FILMING SITE, LISTEN TO ME.

hyunjin, aware his presence would be last announced; for the sake of biting suspense. albeit the virtue of a failing, dissipating artist was beyond benign as it was. a recurrence of a trend in each editing structure. as to not the first time, “ the big three ” had unraveled trainees that arose in shades of gold, hearty success. the last couple of trainees; wise enough to differentiate themselves as acknowledged clickbait, and a means to flare stray reactions out of others. 

hyunjin observed the first couple reactions to yg, in which showcased a bruited predebut group, “yg silver boys” - obligated to trace the devastating hype that their stalwart entertainment’s name had drowned itself with - in wealth and blemished achievements towards. undoubtedly aware, striding into the battlegrounds knowing all the hype and the captivating aura they bestow, the trainees most likely had larger, grander expectations than the judges. 

the first round of gasps had resounded throughout, sharp, flecks of white silence, just as a displayed, sleek logo of yg blared aggressively at trainees. the longest running joke in mnet’s survival show series were references with produce 101 season 2, where yg k-plus had revealed itself. similar prayers of being a fake clouded the trainees’ minds. 

to no avail, the logo stubbornly remained. no yg k-plus was revealed, nor was a switch in logos ever ascending. the same haunting picture of the yg logo loomed over, no golden trace of faux left behind. 

hyunjin knew he was the last trainee, he knew his worth, the final fit to the one-hundred and one trainees that plagued the spacious site. like a puzzle piece, hyunjin was far too acquainted with the copious tactics this episode and clip would be edited with. a declaration and stinging bang were going to be endlessly painted on a blank canvas of a foul excuse of an episode. 

crushing murmurs… uttering the same damned name, entitled and elegant, “_jyp entertainment_”. it soon erupted into vast, yet pallid whispers. delirious admiration, whilst some wore emerald greed, those painted with cerulean blues that tinted the tension. 

hyunjin was shooed into the hallway bitterly, shoved into the hallway leading towards the solemn entrance. time ticking, amusement and utter curiosity stirred and collided with each essence of clockwork sapped away. 

the first step was anxious - bitter yet mellow, the second was nearly overflowing into borders of confidence, and he continued to stride as his stomach churned. agony vicious as he trod into the main site, which gaped with awfully garnished trainees. hyunjin saw the awe planted on other trainees’ faces as the flower blossomed from the seed, the frothy gasps, the aghast expressions. it all made hyunjin anxious, piqued with suffocation - all which projected high expectations, he wasn’t at a stop or ease knowing that the chains of his appearance didn’t help aid him. 

hyunjin bowed, swaying, swarmed with thoughts. his body accelerating into ruby heat, footsteps clabbered louder than he remembered he adorned, bee-lined towards the last open seat with little to no fight yet the tingle that fought for a raw breakdown in his fingertips buzzed vividly. sitting with ease at a swift seventy-second place, warm and comfortable knowing how low-set the seat arose at. only just a final puzzle piece to this masterpiece that was going to become crafted into a new, clean group.

his adrenaline was buzzing rapidly, high off of panic and the sweet taste of boring stares. 

the representative of this season was someone no one had ever foreseen, pledis’ woozi. short in stature, yet the profits and experience bundled were single handed killer. hyunjin could almost savor his own jealousy, the later was grounded into the industry ahead of woozi’s timeline. he silenced, seething in his own _envy_; biting his lip until the echo of his dear makeup artist, cussing him out. 

“hello. i’m seventeen’s woozi. currently to-be ‘listen to me’s representative. i will care for you all, and try to give you the best advice i can. i will have the best in mind for all of you. thank you.” woozi stated, smiling up at all the trainees who were in awe, some unable to resist talking about how handsome the respectable representative was. his history captivated with ease, the tales and pains of seventeen were to resound throughout pledis for ages. “please take care of me.” 

the shorter sat with the remaining judges, a cold gaze set upon the next set of events. side-by-side yunjeong, woozi, seokhoon, cheetah, jaeseung, youngjun, and may j. were together. thoughts spiraling as they were glazed with standards and worthless papers compacted with _crumpled notes, statistics, facts, and dates_. they were anticipating blindly, hoping for the best within the hardened trainees.

for once, hyunjin felt the fear gurgle up in stomach. his guts clenched, _he was scared_.

﹀﹀﹀

**NAVER. ARTICLE TRENDING #2 **

_ [hwang hyunjin's appearance on debuting show  _

_"listen to me" surprises knetz.]_ read more...

**ANON.487291**

"he's still trying?"

**ANON.632095**

"i thought his career died ages ago, or well... it never started anyways"

**ANON.379843**

"i have little hope in him... can't wait to see if he turns it around tho lol"

**check out more of this thread now! comments: 274!**

**\+ EXTEND COMMENT SECTION...**   


**Author's Note:**

> hello !! im back from scintillating,, i rlly love survival show au writings and wanted to do my own solely for seungjin. my writing has vastly changed compared to aug '18 (last chap of scintillating) therefore my writing is much less descriptive,,, im so sorry !! 
> 
> anyways i planned lots for this ff and hope that you enjoy many long chapters!!


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